Monday

Monday is not my favorite day of the week; but now that it is almost over, I look forward to Tuesday, which is usually not as drab as Monday.

So...the search for the missing brothers in my life is sort of at a stand-still right now. I have not found out any more information at this point. But I have had some time to think about my half-brother Michael, and how much it means to me to have found him online and the recording of his life story. I have to admit I have been fantasizing about contacting him. But I won't.

I have come to realize that I am rather protective of my somewhat lonely life, and I know that sounds strange. What I mean is that when you grow up as an only child, with a sort of limited connection to your own parents, and just snippets of friendships along the way, you come to realize that there are only a few people in your life who really take the time to get to know you. Even long-time friends, over the years, develop perceptions of you that are stuck in a sort of time warp, and unless they really know you, really get down deep and try to understand you, and care enough to really listen, they will be caught in that old time warp, and they will start missing the real person that you are constantly becoming. Really, we keep the people that we know in a state of unchanging, perhaps because it's convenient; and perhaps because it's all we can do for the moment. I'm sure I do it myself.

It reminds me of Amba talking about the files we have on people. It's her idea about how we have files on people we know; scripts about them that sum them up. Things we have decided in our minds about they way the are and the way we expect them to be. Files. These files can be bad, negative things. They are expectations. Of course, people don't always behave in the same way. We are, each of us, ever changing. Even when we seem like we are doing the same old things, we are still in the process of changing in some way.

More on this later...I hope for tomorrow, which will be Tuesday, that it will be a good day.