Looking ahead...

Mom got out of the hospital on January 24th, and the next day we had the memorial for Dad. It was a nice turn out. I feel sort of a sense of relief or closure now. Mom seems depressed. Today I am taking her in for a check up/follow up with her doctor. I will ask about counseling, or perhaps they can suggest a grief support group.

I have lots of tasks on my list: update resume, do homework, clean the house, look in on mom. Defenately a full plate. It is harder to get things done when the structure is not really there. I guess that is why I miss working every day. It provided a sense of accomplishment, even if I didn't really want to do it!

I am determined to make this a good and productive week. And take better care of my back! (physical therapy in Wednesday). Must take care of myself, too.

Mom

Mom has been in the hospital since Tuesday, since having sort of a fainting spell Tuesday morning. We are all grateful to her Avon Lady, April, who happened to be there delivering a cosmetic order, and noticed that mom was not doing ok, and called 911.

Mom was worried that she would not be out of the hospital in time to attend Dad's memorial, which is scheduled for Sunday, Jan. 25th. I told her to just think about getting better. She is also concerned that she won't have time to get her hair done. A girl has to have her priorities.

But the doctor said she will probably be out by the end of the week. We're hoping for the best.

It has surely been a strange, and stressful ride these past several weeks. I know stress is just part of life, but high doses can be toxic.

I am looking forward to the memorial, to seeing friends and family, and hoping for at least a little bit of closure about Dad. I don't feel like I've had time to really feel what I should be feeling. I want to take some time to reflect, and just "be". It hasn't been easy to do that. I guess it will come with time.

And then I have to look for a job.

Sunny Day Hike

Yesterday was beautiful and we went for a hike. We walked about a mile through the shady woods before we got to the beach. The sky was gloriously blue, and it actually felt warm near the water. I saw an eagle, or it might have been a hawk, flying high above us to the towering pine trees that over look the shore. There were a few people walking their dogs there on the beach. We ate our sandwiches while looking out at the water. These sunny days are so few lately, it seems like a vacation just to be out in the sunshine, and see the blue, blue sky.

Online Obit Link

http://www.legacy.com/sacbee/DeathNotices.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonId=122936800

This is the link to the online obituary at the Sacramento Bee. You'll have to copy it and paste it into your browser. There is a guest book to sign, and I will be adding some photos and a biography to the enhanced bio feature in the near future. It's kind of cool what they have online :)

I sent in the obituary about dad to the paper today. I have lots of photos to go through. It's really emotional to look through the old photos, and see a life glimpsed in pieces, and see that the progression reflects so much more than images.

I have found some things of my dads as I go through stuff with mom. A box of old ties, cuff links, old watches. Dad saved all of his watches over the years. I think one he got back in the 40's. He always took good care of his things. He made a point to hang up slacks in a certain way, and keep things tidy, in boxes, and labeled.

I still feel really disconnected, and it's because I didn't spend the time I should have with Dad. If I can learn anything from this experience, it might be to be sure to take the time for being with people, for connection, for listening. It seemed like we were always rushing around, doing other things that seemed important at the time, and waiting for the moment to spend together talking.

Happy New Year

I'm so glad it's a new year. With all that's gone on during the month of December, I feel like I am beginning to climb out of a tunnel and into the glimmering light. Only 19 more days until our new president takes over. So much hope is in the air right now. We can believe that things will start to get better.

Or if we are fed up, we can use cat philosophy, and just stretch out on the rug, and roll around.

Lists and Personal Effects

Getting things in order is the order of the day. I've been helping mom with financial details, and making sure bills are paid. Planning a memorial for Dad sometime in late January. Mom is coping quite well, although she hasn't cried yet. I don't know why, but she seems to have trouble letting her feelings out.

As for me, I have been feeling really exhausted. I make lists, and try to keep things in order. It is what I do. I must add to my priorities: yoga, walks, and sleeping.

We've had a lot of good communication with family. It's really helpful to hear from folks. Being it is Christmas/New Years is seems harder to feel "jolly, joyful and UP" with all that has gone on. I guess that's normal.

I spoke to the hospital about Dad's personal things. Nobody seems to know where they are. I asked the Neptune Society if they perhaps picked his things up. They are looking into it. They told me that now Dad is in a facility in Kent. It's wierd. I don't know what to think about this.