Lists and Personal Effects

Getting things in order is the order of the day. I've been helping mom with financial details, and making sure bills are paid. Planning a memorial for Dad sometime in late January. Mom is coping quite well, although she hasn't cried yet. I don't know why, but she seems to have trouble letting her feelings out.

As for me, I have been feeling really exhausted. I make lists, and try to keep things in order. It is what I do. I must add to my priorities: yoga, walks, and sleeping.

We've had a lot of good communication with family. It's really helpful to hear from folks. Being it is Christmas/New Years is seems harder to feel "jolly, joyful and UP" with all that has gone on. I guess that's normal.

I spoke to the hospital about Dad's personal things. Nobody seems to know where they are. I asked the Neptune Society if they perhaps picked his things up. They are looking into it. They told me that now Dad is in a facility in Kent. It's wierd. I don't know what to think about this.

Goodnight Dad

Dad passed away today. He was in ICU after having suffered septic shock, which means he had an infection in his blood. His organs began shutting down, and he was on life support and a ventilator to breathe.

It was hard to see him. He was on pain medication so he did not feel any pain. He did not look like himself. In the room the sound of the ventilator kept going at a steady pace, making it seem almost peaceful.

But it wasn't. It was sad, and somewhat lonely to be there, even though we were all there as a family surrounding him. After a while the kids went home. Patrick stayed by mom and I.

This has not really sunk in yet. I am glad dad went peacefully, and that I had a chance to kiss him goodbye. I wish I could have talked to him one last time.

Living 91 years is a pretty amazing thing. He had a good life, full of adventures, some of which I'm sure I never heard about. He struggled in his life in different ways, but he worked very hard to be a good father to me. And he was. I always knew that he loved me no matter what. As a parent now, I know that is the best gift you can give your child.

Goodnight Dad. I will always love you.

More Snow

OK we got more snow. Went to the mall today on the bus with Sarah to finish up Christmas shopping. The bus was very crowded on the way back. Many people were coming home from work. I do appreciate the winter-wonderland scene, but it would be nice to get the car out and be able to get around quicker.

Dad

Dad had surgery today to repair his broken hip. He fell in his hospital room yesterday morning, and took a very bad fall. His face and one arm is bruised, and he hurts alot.

He was out of surgery sooner than expected and will be in his room this evening at the hospital. Mom and I will go visit him in the morning.

The weather around here has been challenging, but today I got out and was able to drive around as needed. Tomorrow I am hoping the roads won't be any slicker. We are expecting more snow Sunday, and wind. Oh boy.

Life is so exciting sometimes.

Sarah's Scarves

My daughter, Sarah, has been busy knitting scarves for her friends to give as Christmas presents. Each scarf is about 4 inches wide by about 5 feet long. Everyone she custom made for each friend according to the friends color preferences. Aren't they beautiful!

Snow All Around

It snowed most of the day yesterday. We've got about 3 inches on the ground around here. Other areas got as much as a foot! It may be possible to drive today, I need to get up to Stevens Hospital to see Dad. He fell and broke his hip and will be having surgery this afternoon.

Yesterday Dan and I braved the streets and walked over to the post office and to Safeway. Was icy but didn't fall! It was beautiful, and cold.

Lights for Warmth

It's snowing outside and we are snug inside. It's a good day for writing Christmas cards and cleaning up the house.

Today my dad will have a pacemaker put in to regulate his heart beat. He went to the emergency room yesterday because he fainted. They discovered this irregular heartbeat and figured out that is what made him pass out. Fortunately when he fell he did not get injured. So I'll be going over to the hospital later. In the snow. I'm glad my little van has front wheel drive.

Can't wait for this year to end! If ever there was anticipation and hope for a new beginning, this is it. I am looking forward to new opportunities, and I hope I can keep my attitude in a positive mode. Bush has caused so much damage in so many ways, and all he gets as payback are a couple of shoes thrown at him.

The Last Day

Well I am now officially unemployed. I had a strange and emotional day with people coming by and saying farewell, lots of hugs and good wishes. Now it is all sinking in and it's a sad feeling, coupled with anxiety and shock. Even though I saw it coming, I still feel a sense of emptiness and disbelief.

I have plans, though, and come Monday will get to work revamping the resume and making lists. I can see how this can become a new beginning, a time to make a fresh start doing something else, and taking time to take care of other things as well.

I think it's hardest leaving people behind. A lot of good friends that I probably won't see much any more. Every day you go in and spend this time with people you work with and then suddenly it's all over. It's like going cold turkey when you don't have something you are used to.

This economy is having a terrible ripple effect on so many lives right now. I know that our family is actually really lucky because our situation is not that bad. We have resources, and we are pretty careful, and we will get by. I fear for the people who are already on the edge, and then find themselves in a desperate situation.

I will grieve, then I will move on and keep busy. I will network and keep the connections that I can, and make new ones. I will make this a new start.

Tick, tick, tick

Well it looks like my days (hours) are numbered at the college. It seems one of the things they are cutting is the marketing department. That means 4 of us, and it adds up to $150,000. I should know something by Friday.

This is interesting because it puts a crimp in spending any money, and it ends my 8 year stint at a job that I really like. When it hits, I'm sure I will feel the pain. Right now I am just in limbo.

Prepare, prepare, prepare. Working on a new résumé and business cards. Maybe I can get some seaonal work at a book store, at least for now.

Mom Update

My mom is doing much better since getting out of the hospital over 4 weeks ago. She is energetic, happy and doing most of the things she usually does. We went to the mall on sunday and had a good walk around, and both enjoyed sipping our mochas by the fountain before heading home. She has an appointment with the kidney doctor on friday and I will go with her.

My mom is always a reminder to me that taking good care of yourself, and staying active, is really important.

Sideways Down the Road

I am contemplating lots of things lately; my job, my time, my attitude. Change is good but scary sometimes. The world is mucked up and heading sideways down the road. New horizons are in view, and we hope they are not just mirages.

I could get layed off from the college. And if so we'll have to re examine our expenses and figure out what we can do without. Like cable, or high speed internet, or an extra car...

Fear Holds You Back

I have been thinking about my job a lot lately, probably too much, which is not a good thing unless you are a doctor or a governor or someone even more important. It comes down to having to pay the bills, and being responsible, but I think I should prepare for whatever changes may lie ahead.

And that gets me to thinking, also, about what I do with my time, and how much control do I really have over it (not much at this point in my life) but what more could I do? I seem to be surrounded by some things I really am fond of, without really involving myself in them completely. It's like they are all floating around me, and I am simply pointing at them, rather than grabbing at them a giving them a tug, at least.

I think its fear, and fear holds you back.

It's a New Day

Well it's a new day and a new month and we have a new president who seems to be intelligent, inspirational, and insightful. With all the many trials and tribulations of late, this breath of fresh air, this reassurance, this hope has enveloped many of us in a most comforting way.

I think we are hanging on so much hope, that I am almost waiting for the eventual let down, however small it may be. But the unknown is not that scarey at this point.

I think many Americans are hoping for the best, hoping that Obama can really be the president he proposes to be. If we can have a true leader, who inspires and works hard, we can only grow from that as a people.

What does it mean?

I have been thinking about why I am feeling emotionally drained, and how that affects my mood. Mom came home from the hospital on Friday afternoon. She is doing better, but will still have to have tests to check how her kidneys are doing, and whether or not she will have to have weekly dialysis appointments.

On a weirder note, I was driving down the highway, when I looked at my odometer and noticed that it read 122333. I thought this was fascinating, so while at a stoplight I took a photo of it with my phone. Isn't technology wonderful?

So what could be the significance of a number sequence like 122333? Does anyone have any clue?

Mom Update

The photo is from Oct 17th at Mom's 88 birthday dinner, modeling her new gloves the kids gave her.

Mom is still in the hospital, and today was her second day of dialysis. She seemed a little bit spacey today compared to yesterday. She had some visitors today, and calls from family in California, which cheered her up.

The kidneys are still not back to functioning, and now there is concern about her liver. One test came back positive for Hepititas A, but the doctor thought that was strange so he is retesting.

Dad is having to cope on his own, and so far so good, though he eats way too many TV dinners. I will go over tomorrow and see how it's going with him. He is reluctant to let me help much, though he can ask for help when he really needs it. He is on oxygen, and sometimes goes off it for too long, and gets really tired. We're working on getting him a better walker with a basket and a small, portable tank.

Halloween Costumes

Today we journeyed forth as a family to search out the perfect parts for our Halloween costumes. Since Halloween is on a Friday this year, we have gotten invited to a couple of Halloween parties. So we were looking for a brain mold, white sheets, a gold head dress, a white short sleeved shirt, wings, gold sandals, and a snake, among other things. Can you guess what we each might be?

It's funny to see people out shopping for costumes, trying on wigs, and picking out costumes. The kids get so excited, but sometimes they get scared. I saw one small boy at a thrift store which had a large supply of Halloween costumes and masks crying and yelling to his mom, "I'm scared!" All the mom kept saying was, "Come and look at the masks!" Strange...

Sometimes I see people and wonder if it's already Halloween.

Mom

My mom is in the hospital with a serious infection. She turned 88 last Friday, and isn't sick very often. It's strange seeing her in the hospital. She is usually the one with all the energy. She looked so small in the hospital bed.